The Thin Line: Kindness vs Mugu

Hello! This is Bekeme. Aka Mummy G. O. on the Good Citizen Show. How has your week been? Mine has been great. Like I wake up every day motivated and I can see it in the calibre of work that I am doing for myself, or my clients, or communities and I am hoping that yours have been good and if it has not been good, don’t worry, the weekend is here, and it will only get better.

Remember that the choice is with you. Whether you are happy or unhappy, I do believe that you have the power in your hands to choose happiness all the time.

Again, it’s the Good Citizen Show, today we are looking at the “Thin line between Kindness and Mugu”. Yep, you heard me. “Thin line between kindness and Mugu.”

I just want to remind you, if you haven’t taken the vaccine, the opportunity is still there. It is all the local government areas. Do go take the vaccine. It hasn’t killed anyone that you and I know. It’s not about to kill you. You just need to do what is right and not just to protect yourself, but to protect every single one around you. I told you that if they were going to be giving awards, I should get an award. I have had at least 10 people, apart from you that is listening that I don’t know about, but 10 direct people get vaccinated through me. So, I am excited. If you have not been vaccinated just here, at least do the needful. Wear your mass. Keep your hands clean. Don’t touch your face, if you haven’t sanitized or washed. Just be extremely careful.

If you missed out on our very special radio drama around gender-based violence in extractive communities, that is oil and gas, and mining communities, you can still listen to it on sound cloud, just go to bit.ly/ThingsDeyHappenDrama to listen to the pidgin version of the rousing story about a young lady called Maggie. if you live in the Northern part of the country, we will start airing episodes of Things Dey Happen drama. You really need to be part of the transformation. Right now, in Edo state, there is a lot of violence; there is a lot of prostitution; there is a lot of assault against women,  as a result of extractive activities in the communities including Okpella.

So, I want to thank the callers from last week, who surprisingly were mostly men, considering the topic that we were talking about. We talked about a man who had written a set of rules for his wives. His messaging was a bit ambivalent. In one breath he says, “I don’t want you out of the house. I don’t want you awake after 10”, and then the next breath he says, “you will be responsible for the welfare of the children, and you must continue to finance the home.” And the men were like no, it doesn’t happen like that. It has to be collaborative. So, it’s relationship building really. As in every aspect of your life, there has to be some respect, there has to be good communication. There has to be iterative communication and there has to be inclusion.

That brings us to today’s topic, about respecting people. respecting spaces, respecting their resources. Okay, basically, I will give you an anecdotal story. So, there is this guy who goes and loans a friend some money – N100,000, right?! And then the money was supposed to be paid back in the month, and then it’s over a year. Of course, this is a good friend, they can’t actually rack them for their money. They are careful with their choice of words. And everyone and then, they would gather the courage to ask the friend, what’s up. Where is the money? Typically, uncomfortably, at least this person was polite. Oh, I am sorry. I will pay you back, and then this goes on for a year. At which point, you are thinking, okay. This person thinks I am stupid. And I am sure that many of us have been in this situation, and basically what we are talking about today is how not to that friend who puts their friend in an uncomfortable position, and what to do if you are that friend. And I know that there are many rules around giving out loans to people.

I just want to know, have you ever forgiven debt to your friend? And still kept maintaining that relationship. Or in the case that I read about recently, have you transferred more than you intended? And I know that there was a popular one last week on social media. And you know, not get your money back. We’d love to hear about your experience and how you handle the situation. You know, for us, it is typically about de-escalation. Getting a resolution that is great for you, but not necessarily getting into any untold or violent situation.

You can reach us on 0700-923-923-923 or you can send a WhatsApp message to 0817-313-6193.

Remember, no bad-mouthing. No negative words. It’s all positivity around here. Different people literally have different attitudes about money. Some of us are more careful. Some of us, no it’s a big deal that for a person to work so hard and to have access to their money, somebody else should respect that.

(Call comes in)

Bekeme: Hello

Caller: Hello

Bekeme: Hello. Good evening. Thank you for calling the Good Citizen Show. What’s your name?

Caller: My name is Ken

Bekeme: Hello Ken. What’s up?

Caller: Thank you. This situation? I am involved. I am right in this situation right now.

Bekeme: Okay

Caller: There is this friend, I got to know him from my former place of work.

Bekeme: Hum Hum

Caller: we’ve been together all this while. All of a sudden, he requested some money to get himself out of a situation, and he promised that in a month’s time, he would reimburse me back, but to till, this happened in August

Bekeme: Hum

Caller: Up till now this guy has not given me this money

Bekeme: What does he say when you call him?

Caller: He does not even pick

Bekeme: Arrgh.

Caller: He doesn’t pick, when I call his wife, he picks offence.

Bekeme: (laughs) At that point, did he call back? did he message you?

Caller: No, he doesn’t

Bekeme: how did you know he was upset? What happened?

Caller: in fact, I am thinking to (voice becomes inaudible) hard. I want to involve the police. I want to get a court order, close his account, and then fish him out. That is what I want to do. I will want to, in fact, the way it is now, him and then his family, until that money is (voice becomes inaudible)

Bekeme: Okay. So, thank you for calling. And I am saying to everyone who is listening to actually give you suggestions. Legal suggestion on how to go about retrieving your money. That is very unfortunate. Very unfortunate that the person who you call your friend could do this kind of thing. Have you been to his house?

Caller:  the worst part that is has even moved away from the house where I knew him from.

Bekeme: So, how are you going to institute this court order against him?

Caller: I have spoken to a lawyer, who advises, who offered to help me get a court order against his account, so when his account is frozen, then he will come out.

Bekeme: Right. That makes a lot of sense. Yes, thank you so much. Just identify yourself, we should carry on the conversation. Thank you so much for calling.

(Call comes in)

Bekeme: Hello

Caller: Hello. Good evening.

Bekeme: Hello. Good evening. Thank you for calling the Good Citizen Show. What’s your name?

Caller: My name is Deji Williams.

Bekeme: Deji Williams. Thank you. What’s up?

Caller: The last person you spoke to…

Bekeme: Yes

Caller: Does he have a written agreement with the man?

Bekeme: He doesn’t, from what he has said

Caller: Then there is no, you have to fish him out wherever he is. But to freeze his account, it’s not possible.

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: (voice becomes inaudible) without legal document to back it up

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: The law does not recognize I give money. What is the evidence?

Bekeme: Yes

(Call Ends)

Alright. Thank you so much for your contribution. Thank you so much.

Alright guys, the number to call is 0700-923-923-923

(Call comes in)

Bekeme: Hello

Caller: Hello. Good evening

Bekeme: Hello. Good evening. What’s your name?

Caller: My name is Chris

Bekeme: Chris, can you speak up, please?

Caller: I said my name is Chris

Bekeme: Yeah! I heard Chris. You know, I was listening very closely and I would like for everyone else to hear from you. So, what’s up?!

Caller: okay. I just want to give a counsel

Bekeme: Yes, thank you

Caller: it is wise that you don’t have to borrow anybody money you cannot afford to forget

Bekeme: Yes

Caller: If he does not pay you back

Bekeme: Yes

Caller: so that you don’t put yourself into trouble

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: they are the reason why people go into the issue of assassination. If this guy wants to go into that now, saying he will get his money by all means, and that other guy that is owing him can go into another means of eliminating him

Bekeme: Yes.

Caller: So, that the case can die

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: some demand that any money you cannot forgo if that person does not pay you back, don’t give out.

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: Thank you

Bekeme: Thank you. Thank you very much

(Call ends)

That is a given. I think that the first thing is you know, you want to help people, the preferred thing for me is don’t give loans (Laughs). But, if you have to, don’t give what you can’t afford to lose, and thirdly, be careful, because the relationship might never be the same.

(Call Come In)

Bekeme: Hello.

Caller: Hello

Bekeme: Hello

Caller: Hello. Good evening

Bekeme: Hello. Good evening. Thank you for calling The Good Citizen Show. What’s your name?

Caller: Yea. My name is (becomes inaudible)

Bekeme: Hello! I can’t hear you clearly.

Caller: I said my name is Tallest Gee.

Bekeme: Hmmm, still struggling.

Caller: Tallest Gee! Tallest Gee!!

Bekeme: Tallest Gee?

Caller: Yes

Bekeme: Okay! Yes, what’s up?

Caller: I’m good. I’m fine and you?

Bekeme: I’m well. Thank you. Thank you.

Caller: I said the person that called the other time,

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: complaining that he wants to go and

Bekeme: You can speak up please, Tallest Gee?

Caller: I said the person that called

Bekeme: Yes.

Caller: (voice becomes inaudible) it’s not possible

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: Actually, there was a time, during NYSC, one of my cousins, I gave him money, when I need the money, he (voice becomes inaudible)

Bekeme: They are struggling. I am sure that others listening are struggling to hear you too. If you can put your mouth closer to the speaker and speak louder, please. Even if you’re already talking louder or loudly. Just more loudly

Caller: You can’t hear me well?

Bekeme: Yes! Yes!!

Caller: Can you hear?

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: I just say that

Bekeme: (Cuts in) You gave a loan to your cousin

Caller: (Voice becomes inaudible) I was just thinking if..

Bekeme: (cuts in) Okay! You have to try to call us back, please. We couldn’t hear you well Tallest Gee.

(Call Ends)

We have a message from someone who says, “The process can be severed through substituted means at his last known address subject to the permission of the court.” – Oghenemedia

Thank you so much for sending that. I am assuming you are a lawyer.

So, we are going to be going on a short break on The Good Citizen Show and we will be right back to take calls. Thank you.

(Break)

Welcome back to The Good Citizen Show. You have been listening to me, Bekeme, and we have been talking about Kindness and Mugu.

In fact, lots of callers say, you know what, the best thing is not cool on any other caller, but actually called to complain about the bad behaviour of a purported friend who took a loan and has refused to return it.

Thank you to al those who have called to give advice, do keep the advice following because we would really like to hear why, or actions people take when someone’s else is indebted and refuses to honour their indebtedness and all those that we can really manage the situation. We have said that if you don’t have to do it if you cannot afford to do it, don’t do it. If it’s not something you can forgo, do not do it.

And another thing is that, if you do have a budget, I think it’s fair. It’s a wise thing as an adult to have a monthly budget. Look at it and to say you know, this time, this is how much I can give per time and no matter who calls you, you should be able to look at your spreadsheet or wherever you put it to say, you know what, I cannot afford this at this moment. I cannot afford more than this because it’s not worth it, in the long run, to fight for your money.

(Calls comes in)

Bekeme: Hello

Caller: Hello, good evening.

Bekeme: Hello, good evening. Thank you for calling The Good Citizen Show. What’s your name?

Caller: This is Henry from Ikeja

Bekeme: Henry from Ikeja. Thank you. What’s your contribution for today?

Caller: I listened to that guy that borrowed money from his friend

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: He should not bother going to court.

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: Even if he goes to court, he would have said he borrowed money from him but he doesn’t have the money now.

Bekeme: Hmmm.

Caller: The court will say

Bekeme: (Cuts in) That’s if he admits to ever taking a loan

Caller: How do you want to pay? He says I will pay 5,000 a month

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: it will take him twenty months to pay 100,000

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: Though he is going to court, the court cannot force money. He will accept that he will

Bekeme: (Cuts in) Hmmm

Caller: He should not bother to go to court, maybe he should just forget the money and (voice becomes inaudible)

Bekeme: Hmmm. Ah! Thank you so much

(Call ends)

That is another angle. Thank you.

So, basically, like I tried to tell him, don’t waste time and resources if it will not yield the result that you want. And this is a very valid point that Henry has made.

(Call Comes in)

Bekeme: Hello

Caller: Hello Bekeme. Good evening

Bekeme: Hello. Good evening. What’s your name?

Caller: Ololaminioluwa

Bekeme: Yes. Thank you so much for calling again today. How have you been? How has your week been?

Caller: Fine and yours?

Bekeme: Good! Good!! Thank you

Caller: you know when, some people ehen, they just won’t be contented. It’s a lack of contentment.

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: Somebody wants to organise a birthday party, you don’t have money, you go to the extent of borrowing loan to do a birthday party.

Bekeme: (Laughs)

Caller: Is it really, right?

Bekeme: I know (laughs)

Caller: It’s just aim of you don’t have money to celebrate that party, why go out? In the end, you spend the money lavishly for a birthday party. Now for you to pay back is a problem.

Bekeme: Yeah

Caller: Most times when people want to ask you, please borrow me this…, you need to ask them, “what do you even want to use the money for?”

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: to be on a safer side. So, if someone is giving an issue, oh I want to celebrate a birthday party and all that, just cross the person red.

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: You don’t even commit yourself because you know that kind of money, they can never refund it back.

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: For a birthday party, what are you going to

Bekeme: (cuts in) I know, what value? How do you get your money back?

Caller: Ehen! Ehen! Is it revenue-generating…

Bekeme: (Cuts in) Maybe you are looking to be sprayed money at the party

Caller: …If they spray their money at the party, what happens?

Bekeme: (Laughs)

Caller: You will become ‘Oni gbese’

Bekeme: (Laughs)

Caller: So, a lot of people just lack contentment

Bekeme: (Cuts in) Yes, there is that

Caller: buy designers bags and shoes and all that

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller:  Most times like that, when we were in school, they will not have money but they want to borrow money and buy designer’s bag, designer show

Bekeme: (Cuts in) To buy gold

Caller: You want to feel that you’re among, you know?

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: Yet there is no money in their bank account.

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: They borrow just to impress.

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: Even social media has contributed a lot. Because some of these youths, see what is going on, even if they don’t have the money, they want to do like certain persons. Negative, I don’t know if I would call it negative influence just to be like that person to be like that person

Bekeme: Yes

Caller: Even when they don’t have, they go to the extent of borrowing

Bekeme: Yes

Caller: Just to be like that person, wear that particular thing, or buy that particular hair

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: Imagine someone buying bone straight hair, you don’t have money, you are not working, you are not doing anything, and you want to borrow money to buy, a lot of things. Bone straight hair, bone straight hair for what?

Bekeme: (Laughs)

Caller: Well-done Bekeme

Bekeme: Thank you (Laughs). Thank you so much Ololami

I am so so so so thrilled. So, thrilled.

There is that. The truth is that majority of the people who actually take loans, can afford not to take those loans, but they want to make money from somebody’s else. It’s a though they feel it’s some sort of national cake. And you know, their justification is you are doing okay, you don’t need it. So, why are you being unreasonable?

I mean, I have heard a person once come to me to take a loan. She was a lesson-teacher to a nephew of mine, and she thought she would use that relationship to take a loan from me to do her wedding. I didn’t understand it. Because when I think back on my own life, I did my traditional and white wedding on the same day, I didn’t take an hour, and I was working at a very good job as was my husband. I just knew that I had seen many instances of people being flamboyant at their celebrations, and then literally going hungry afterwards in the actual marriage, which can lead to lots of problems. So, you know, that contentment is a major issue. And it’s that discontent that actually causes people to want to hoard other’s people money. Or like that case that was been talked about on social media last week about a person who inadvertently paid 2 point something million naira for snails when they actually intended to pay N200,000, and apparently, the vendor refused to return the money and instated they will have such much of things. I think that is, if that is true, I think that is pure bad behaviour. As it is bad behaviour for people who actually take a loan, make a promise, and then disappear.

But, as we’ve always said, it’s important as much as possible to not put yourself into that situation. If do have to give a person a loan, I think you should have the presence of mind to limit it to something that will not give you heartache, you know, as it’s bothering our caller, who called before.

If you do have suggestions, we can still take one or two calls it’s 0700-929-923-923. Again, it’s 0700-923-923-923.

And we had another person send us a WhatsApp message.

(Call comes in)

Bekeme: Hello

Caller: Good evening. How are you?

Bekeme: I am very well. Thank you. What’s your name?

Caller: My name is Adeyemi

Bekeme: Adeyemi, thank you for calling The Good Citizen Show. What do you think?

Caller: Yeah. Where I have been listening to, I think it’s just a simple thing here. There is no free money anywhere.

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: If you want to give a loan if you want to collect a loan, be ready to give collateral

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: When you collect something in exchange for something expecting that once they make the payment or return your thing back, people take it more seriously

Bekeme: Hmmm

Caller: Somebody comes to meet me for instance for a loan of about, maybe 1 million or something, I am probably going to ask the person, give collateral that I know would have more value than what you are

Bekeme: (Cuts in) Hmmm

Caller: so, that of course is going to secure even if it will lead to a court case or something

Bekeme: Right

Caller: It still doesn’t change anything. You get my money back, you get your collateral

Bekeme: Let me as you a question, even if it is, do you do this with family members as well?

Caller: Of course, yes! You know, as I said, there is no free money. It’s two different things if someone is telling you to give or support

Bekeme: Yes

Caller: and a loan. I am talking about now a loan.

Bekeme: Yes

Caller: that is what we are addressing. If it is a loan

Bekeme: Yes

Caller: The first thing is that what do you have?

Bekeme: Yes

Caller: Family or no family

Bekeme: Yes

Caller: You know, there is no free money. So, bring the car

Bekeme: Yes

Caller: Bring your house. Bring your goat.

Bekeme: Absolutely

Caller: And there are unwilling to give it, it means they don’t have good intentions in the first place.

Bekeme: They are not serious

Caller: Yes. (Voice becomes inaudible)

Bekeme: Thank you so much

Thank you so much for calling. That will be our last call on The Good Citizen Show.

To add to that sentiment, I want to say that, to suggest that you actually sign an agreement. That is something I don’t joke with. Always sign an agreement whether it’s family members, and then I will just read the final comments

“There is no need going to court. The court can’t enforce him to pay if the debtors keep notifying the lender, and writing out his inability to pay on the said agreed date, he is legally in order and this can last for years already wasting the lender’s time. I am Racheal from Ikeja”

Thank you so much for listening to The Good Citizen Show.

Until next time, this time next week, it’s Bekeme.

Have a safe weekend.

Bye Bye!

Add Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *